So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
