call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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