He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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