He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
