it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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