I think my vagina is haunted
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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