I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My pussy is not your playground.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
