I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
