I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
