I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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