if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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