I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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