What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
