Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
