some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
