i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
