i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
