tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
be right there i have to get my cape
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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