i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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