I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize