I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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