Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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