dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
