wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
