Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
