I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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