I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im holly from the hills drunk
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
