she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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