I wish I could punch you in the face.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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