when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
