Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
