I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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