how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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