Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
