She is in my trunk
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
