oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
