My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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