I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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