the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
