If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
