He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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