It's Friday. Sex?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
