I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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