I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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