Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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