Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
