That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
