Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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