whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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