Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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