I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I party with great urgency now.
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