I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
