Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
