I can tuck mytits in my pants
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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