whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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