With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
