today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
