he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
