Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
